Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
