You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
