He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
