got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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