i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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