just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize