I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As shirtless as possible
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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