so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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