Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
