So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
