Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
