Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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