he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
