I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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