WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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