Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
