i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
