I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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