I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
