her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
