my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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