After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
