Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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