We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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