and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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