Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
