I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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