I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
