Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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