Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
