I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
