my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
