New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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