Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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