So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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