TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
