Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
