It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
