It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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