Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
