between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
