I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
4 words: hood of his car
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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