I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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