Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
