I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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