So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize