I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
