I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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