Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
