My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
