I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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