There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
