you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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