I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize