Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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