We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
