just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
