i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
