Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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