I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
