I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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