just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
