dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
