im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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