do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
