Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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