they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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