dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
