He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
