Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
