her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
