The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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