I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
