I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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