I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
